Tiana Cutright

My spouse shared a social media video with me that offers a breath of fresh air and solidarity for those of us who are flat done with nicey-nice abuser apologists and political both-sider-ists telling us that "good people" are supposed to defer to and unify with those who (for whatever misguided reasons they may have) seek to maximize our suffering and minimize our lifespans.

Please go ahead and watch all of this compilation of short vids. Many important points and facets are brought up.

I found it validating and cathartic.

"Why are Tr*mpers mad that folks are setting boundaries? A Compilation."

My responses:

Also? The planet is on fire but Trumpians are still pretending it isn't.

Also also, antagonistic people, perhaps especially the "nice" ones, tend to have difficulty activating basic critical thinking skills like connecting the dots between cause and effect, resisting cults of charismatic personality, engaging empathy and curiosity during interpersonal conflicts, and coping with cognitive dissonance by grounding oneself in tangible reality during moments of moral or emotional discomfort. The easy outs of blame-shifting, asserting a sense of entitlement to one's own comfort at all costs, villifying and/or scapegoating specific targets, and violating boundaries appeal to people accustomed to benefitting from systemic cruelties. It is difficult for these folks to do otherwise because for them, it is "good" to protect whatever seems to satisfy their emotional needs (whether or not it actually does, and whether or not it harms people in real life). Straight up, as Sondheim put it, via Little Red Riding Hood, "Nice is different than good."

And standard manipulator tactics include demanding access to everything that benefits the manipulator at others' existential expense, plus DARVO (deny, attack, reverse victim and offender). Don't fall for it. Make the boundaries you need to make. Your life and well-being are worth protecting.

Recommended resources:

- Nedra Glover Tawwab: all books, and Substack newsletter, Nedra Nuggets

- Ramani Durvasula: book, It's Not You, and YouTube channel, DoctorRamani

- Danya Ruttenberg: book, On Repentence and Repair, and Substack newsletter, Life is a Sacred Text

- Sarah Schulman: book, Conflict is Not Abuse

- john a. powell & Stephen Menendian: book, Belonging Without Othering, and the Othering and Belonging Institute website

- Susan Forward: any books; pick a title to suit your circumstances, as she describes some ways to create boundaries and recover from abuse in various types of relationships